Teens - What Helps
What does it mean to help with grief?
Something that helps you with your grief allows you to feel what you need to feel and say what you need to say. Grief is a lot of work, and grief is very intense. Intense grief means that you feel strong feelings and think difficult thoughts. Someone or something that helps you with your grief will not tell you that you are wrong, or that you should get over it, or that there are things that you should be feeling and doing. If someone you love has died, grief is now a part of your life journey. The best help with grief is someone who will let you show him or her your journey, and someone who will be willing to walk part of the way with you.
Friends
Who are your friends? Who is likely to help you with your grief? Friends and people who can help you with your grief might be two separate groups of people. Some people say you learn about three groups of friends after someone dies:
1. People who you thought were your real friends, but you learn that your grief is too difficult for them;
2. People who are near you and who you see frequently, but you may not feel comfortable sharing how you are doing with them,
3. People who you didn’t know were your friends, but now you do because they are able to just be with you however you are feeling or acting.
Peer Reaction – Alexis D.
Peer Reaction – Kevin M.
"When someone’s mom dies" – Chudney M.
Safe Adults
Some adults are not comfortable being honest with teens, particularly about death. Some adults believe teens don’t need to know the details about their mother’s death. If you have a question about your mom’s death or about what you are thinking or feeling, ask an adult who will be honest with you.
What adult will listen? You know a lot of adults. There are adults in your family who may be good listeners. Is there a teacher or a counselor at school or a nurse or a pediatrician who will listen to you? Is there a priest or minister or rabbi? Is there a friend’s parent? Know the safe adults in your life.
Speak with people who can really listen to you and help you.
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