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Teens - Introduction
When a mom dies, many teens experience shock and numbness. They have an acute sense of being alone. Ironically, there are probably a lot of people around – family and friends. But she’s not here.
In the pages that follow, the focus is on what happens when a mom dies. Much of what is here, though, also applies to people who have experienced the death of someone they loved, such as a dad, a brother or sister, a grandparent, another family member or a good friend.
Death is a tremendous loss. If your mom has died, your life has changed forever. The information in these pages is meant to help in two areas. First, though you have never had an experience like what you’re going through now, other teens have. Knowing their experiences may help you to realize that your responses to your mom’s death are not unique. Second, although there is no cure or fix for the pain of a mother’s dying and death, there are healthy things you can do to help you get through the pain.
When a mother dies, each member of her family has a lot of work to do. Grief, bereavement, is about figuring out how to adapt to someone’s death – to their no longer being physically present in your life. This is a life long process of adaptation. Most likely you will think about your mother frequently, particularly on birthdays, holidays, the anniversary of her death, when you need advice, your first day of high school or college, etc.
Growing up with Grief – Alexis D.
Grief – A Life Long Process – Hope Edelman
I think about my mom a lot – Chudney M.
Milestones – Hope Edelman
Milestones – Darcie Sims
Grief: When is it over? Darcie Sims
"My sister Emily and I" - Alexis D.
It is important to remember that everyone will follow their own path through the grief journey and there are no right or wrong ways to grieve (some are less effective than others) and there are NO TIME FRAMES FOR GRIEF. We each have our own self-regulating internal time clock and we will grieve as we need to. We can prolong the grief journey by ignoring or judging our feelings, thoughts and behaviors. The longer we postpone something, the longer it will take to heal and the larger it may be come. If we ignore something, it rarely goes away….it just has to get bigger, louder and more violent in order to get our attention. Learn to acknowledge whatever it is you are experiencing and learn some skills and tools to cope with and properly express yourself through your feelings, thoughts and behaviors.
Part of your work is to figure out how to keep your mom in your life in a healthy way. Although her physical body is no longer present, your thoughts of, and feelings about, her are still here. Your thoughts, feelings and memories keep your mom alive inside of you.
When a mother dies, or is dying, those who loved her respond in a variety of different ways. There are different parts of any grief response: What you feel; what you think (cognitive); and how you behave.
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