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Children - Introduction
When someone you love dies, it is a very difficult loss to go through. If your mom has died, your life has changed and will never be the same as it was when she was alive. The information in these pages is meant to help in two areas. First, though you have never had an experience like what you’re going through now, other children have. Learning about other children’s experiences may help you to know that your responses to your mom’s death are similar to how other children respond. Just knowing that there are other children who have gone through what you are going through may help you feel less lonely. Second, although there is no cure or fix for the pain of a mother’s dying and death, there are things you can do to help you get through the pain.
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Growing Up With Grief - Alexis D. |
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Grief - A Lifelong Process - Hope Edelman |
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Milestones - Darcie Sims |
When a mother dies, family members have a lot of work to do. Every one in your family has to adjust to the fact that your mom is no longer in your home, doing the things she used to do. You will still think about your mom frequently: on your birthday, on her birthday, on holidays, on your first day of school, and so on.
It is important to remember that everyone grieves differently and there are no right or wrong ways to grieve (although some are less effective than others). You may feel, think and behave differently than your other family members. It is also important to know that there are NO TIME SCHEDULES FOR GRIEF. We each have our own self-regulating internal time clock and we will grieve as we need to. We can delay the grief journey by ignoring or judging our feelings, thoughts and behaviors. The longer we delay something, the longer it will take to heal and the larger it may become. If we ignore something, it rarely goes away...it just has to get bigger, louder and stronger in order to get our attention. Be honest about what you are feeling and thinking and talk with an adult who will listen.
Part of your job is to figure out how to keep your mom in your life in a good way. When a mom dies, her body is no longer here. Still, your thoughts and feelings about her are still here. Your thoughts, feelings and memories about your mom keep her alive inside of you in a very real way.
When a mother dies, or is dying, her children and other family members respond in a variety of different ways that are all called grief. Grief has different parts: What you feel; what you think (cognitive); and how you behave.
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